This Way
by hersheygal
Summary: Kate knows that it’s not smart to go to his apartment, but she can’t help it. She misses the old Jack. Future Fic.  Angsty One shot. Jate.  Mentions of alcohol and drug use.


This Way

Disclaimer: I don't own LOST.

A/N: I'm back!! Hopefully for good.. if I don't get slammed with homework and stuff again. I missed everyone on here!! Anyways, so I have been writing this one shot for a while. I haven't been happy with it, but I finally decided to post it.

Kate pulled into the apartment complex and turned off her car. She sat with her hands shaking on the steering wheel. She knew that it wasn't smart to visit Jack, but she just had to. He'd been such a huge part of her life a couple of years ago, but ever since they'd gotten rescued, Jack had resorted to drugs and alcohol. She couldn't remember when exactly he'd started, or why. All she cared about now was if he was ever going to clean himself up and get help.

Kate got out of the car and started up the stairs, hurrying so that she wouldn't have time to convince herself to go back.

She reached Jack's apartment, and gasped when she realized that the door was open. She put her hand on the doorknob, and started to open it wider. "Jack?" She called, softly at first.

"Oh god." Kate stepped inside and closed the door. The place was a mess. Papers and maps were strewn everywhere. Clothes were lying about. Dishes piled up in the sink, and chairs were turned over. Kate started to reach for her cell phone to call the police, thinking that something bad had happened to Jack, when she spotted him. He was lying flat on his face, spread out on the kitchen floor, an empty bottle of pills in his hand.

She rushed to his side, kneeling down beside him. "Oh Jack, what have you done?"

She took the bottle from his hand and threw it. She ignored the tears falling down her face as she struggled to turn Jack onto his back. She just had to see his face. She sobbed harder when she saw it. She could barely recognize him. He had a full-grown beard. His hair was longer, and unkempt. His clothes were dirty, and his mouth was partly open. Kate grabbed his hand, checking his pulse. When there was one, ever so faint, Kate took his hand and held it to her face, kissing it gently. She closed her eyes, trying to remember what Jack used to be like, how he used to be.

Kate found herself imagining how life would be like if Jack hadn't changed, if her life hadn't changed. Would she be living with him right now? Would they have children? She couldn't bring herself to think about it. It just hurt too much.

(Flashback)

"_I told you that everything would be okay." Jack smiled at her._

_Kate rubbed her arms, shivering partly from the cold, and partly from his arm wrapped around her shoulders. He hadn't touched her like this for a while. _

_They were standing in front of their meeting place at the airport, watching airplanes take off and land. _

"_You did Jack." Kate sighed. They both knew that everything was not okay, but it felt better to pretend than to argue. _

"_Look Kate, I know it's hard for you to meet me here, but I appreciate it."_

_Kate nodded. "As long as he never knows…." Kate trailed off. _

_They'd been meeting there for six months, it had started only weeks after they had gotten off the island. _

_Jack removed his arm around her shoulders at the mention of 'him'. _

"_I thought we weren't going to talk about that."_

"_We have to Jack. You know it's going to happen, and it's going to happen soon." Kate turned towards him, her eyes pleading with him to understand._

"_I know. But I hate it."_

"_I know." They stared at each other. _

"_Why can't you..?" Jack trailed off. _

"_I can't." Kate said firmly. "You said yourself that I can't run anymore, and I'm not."_

"_I know, I just wish.."_

"_What?"_

"_That you would have stopped running for me." Jack's hazel eyes became sad. _

"_Don't." Kate shook her head. "Don't do this. Not today."_

"_You won't let me do it. Not today, not yesterday, not tomorrow. When, Kate, when?"_

"_What are we going to do when I have the baby?" Kate asked, changing the subject._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_I can't come visit you anymore Jack. I already promised him that I wouldn't visit you anymore."_

"_But you keep coming." Jack whispered._

_Kate looked away. _

_Jack ran his hand through her brown hair, strands of it going through his fingers. Kate closed her eyes and before she knew it, he had brought her into a hug. Kate relaxed into his embrace. It felt so good. She began to cry, _

"_Don't cry. Please. I hate it when you cry." Jack murmured, kissing her head. _

"_I can't help it. I miss you Jack." Kate sobbed into his shirt. _

_They both knew what she wanted to say, she wanted to tell him that she loved him, she'd always had, but they both knew that she would never say it._

"_I miss you too." _

"_I miss us. I miss the way we used to be."_

_Jack pulled her away from him. "How we used to be? We never used to be anything, we're still not, we never will be anything."_

"_Stop it. Stop making me feel horrible. I already feel horrible." Kate broke away from him, turning around._

"_Please, don't do this. I want to spend what little time left we have together."_

"_You act as if you won't ever see me again." _

"_I don't know if I will."_

_Kate turned around. "Don't talk like that! You know that we'll find ways to see each other."_

"_Once the baby comes, it will be impossible for you to come, and I understand, Sawyer will need you."_

"He_ will need me." Kate said sternly._

"_How can you love him if you can't even say his name around me?" _

"_It's complicated." Sawyer and Kate's relationship hadn't been very good since they had gotten off the island. The only reason they were still together was because Kate was pregnant. _

"_Everything is with you."_

"_I have to go." Kate turned around, and walked as fast as she could towards her car._

"_Kate! I'm sorry!" Jack grabbed her arm._

"_No I'm sorry Jack. I'm sorry that I couldn't stay. I'm sorry for hurting you and making your life miserable. You'd be better off without me. We can't do this anymore."_

'_Shut up." Jack told her. "I love you. Don't ever say that," He pulled her to him and kissed her hard. She kissed him longingly, her hands caressing his face. Why did this kiss feel so different from all the kisses they had shared? He'd told her numerous times that he loved her, but this time it was even more powerful._

_Kate pulled away and stared right at him. "We can't. We can't do this. I make a promise, and I need to keep it. Let's just, not do this okay? Don't say anything, I want to remember you for this, right now, just don't say anything." Kate stared at him for a moment longer before turning to walk to her car._

"_Kate."_

_Kate ran towards her car, tears streaming down her cheeks._

"_Kate!" Jack yelled. _

"_Don't call me anymore Jack. I'm not going to answer." Kate got into her car and slammed the door._

"_Kate!" Jack yelled desperately. _

_Kate turned the car on and drove away._

_Jack began to run after the car, and Kate watched him in the mirror, as her body wrecked with sobs. She shook her head. "Don't Jack." She whispered. She gave the mirror one last look, and Jack met her eyes as he stopped running. "Don't." She whispered even softer, but then, he started running again, and she sobbed harder. She looked at the road through blurred vision and didn't look back again._

Until now.

Kate had met him at the airport a week ago. That's when he told her that they had to go back. The only reason she had gone was because she had finally been ready to completely let him go, or so she thought. Seeing him again had only intensified her feelings for him, no matter what shape he was in.

Over the last couple of years he had kept calling. Kate had gotten a new cell phone to make Sawyer think that she never heard from him, but she kept the other cell phone and checked it often. It broke her heart to hear him call her when he was drunk. He was always drunk when he called.

She just hoped now that she wasn't too late. She couldn't call the police, they would strip Jack of his license. She had no other choice. She reached for her cell phone and dialed the number.

"Jack, please wake up." Kate whispered.

" Juliet, it's Kate. Jack needs you. He-He overdosed." Kate forced the words out of her mouth. "Just please, help me, this once. I know you hate me, but please."

Kate stroked Jack's cheek with her hand. "Thank you. Thank you so much. Yes, the same apartment." She hanged up the phone and placed a hand on Jack's chest.

"Hang in there Jack. Please. For me. I don't know what I would do if-." Kate stopped and swallowed hard. "Help's coming." Kate whispered.

Kate rested her head to Jack's chest, trying to hear his heart. She closed her eyes. "Please don't leave me. I-I love you."

Suddenly, Jack began to stir. His tongue ran over his lips, and he whispered her name thickly, "Kate?"

"Jack?"

"What, what happened?"

"You overdosed Jack. What were you thinking?" Kate's joy quickly turned to anger.

Jack opened his eyes and smiled as he looked at her. Even with tears streaming down her cheeks and her hair a mess, she was still the most beautiful woman in the world. He had the most innocent expression in the world, as if he was just waking from a long night's sleep. It was the happiest she had seen him for a long time.

He sighed contentedly, and he began to close his eyes again.

"No no no Jack. Stay awake. Juliet's coming."

Jack shook his head. "I'm so tired."

The door to the apartment banged open, and Juliet rushed in. Kate looked up. "He woke up."

Juliet ran over to them and bent next to Jack. Kate looked back down at him, and they both saw that his eyes were fluttering.

"No, Jack. Stay with me!" Kate cried out, holding his hand.

"Jack, listen to me." Juliet calmly patted his cheek, trying to keep him awake.

"Kate, get me a wet towel."

Kate's eyes widened as Jack's body began to shake. "What's happening?"

"He's having a seizure. Go get me a wet towel Kate!" Juliet tried to hold Jack down as she yelled at Kate.

Kate nodded and stood up. She looked around her. Dishes were piled in the sink and empty beer bottles were strewn about. She opened drawers and finally found one. She wet it in the sink and then handed it back to Juliet.

Juliet took the towel and patted Jack's forehead with it. "Come on Jack, wake up. What did he take?" She looked at Kate.

Kate grabbed the bottle that was lying next to him. "It's Oxycodon."

Juliet shook her head. "How did this happen?" She stared at Kate, and Kate burst into tears. She stood up and went into Jack's bedroom, closing the door behind her. She leaned against the door and collapsed on the ground.

Kate knows why he's this way. It's because of her. She turned him into this, and he'll never be the same.

A/N: I hope you guys liked it. I know, a little depressing, but I had to do it. Please review and tell me what you think!!


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